How to Politely Say No to a Food Pusher

Have you ever had a food pusher in your life? 

One of those people who just force food on you – even when they know you’re on a diet? 

Well, you’re not alone – and I’m here to help. This article is all about learning to channel your inner child and politely say “no” to obnoxious food pushers at your next BBQ, summertime picnic, or family get-together – all without sounding defiant, wishy-washy, or sabotaging your health goals.

Here is My Own ‘Food Pusher’ Story

Before we get into the techniques, here is a brief story about the food pushers in my life. 

I was born the baby of a family of 6.  At extended family gatherings, the focus was almost always on food. ‘What dish did she bring?’ ‘How long did she spend preparing food?’ ‘What new recipes are there?’ ‘What favorite recipes did she feature?’

I soaked it all up.

Then, I met my husband. My husband grew up in Calcutta, where the favorite pastime is eating or encouraging others to eat. 

Our romance began at a short-term contract job. Every morning, my husband would make sure to offer at least ten of his co-workers the pastries he picked up at the local Panera before he even touched any himself.  

My husband came by his food pushing honestly – it was in love and selfless. Several years into our marriage, I realized that my father-in-law NEVER eats a single bite of food until every single guest in his house has already finished their fill of food. 

Food Obsession Can Stem From Cultural Roots

I will say that some Indian boys in Calcutta fondly remember having an aunt or mother lovingly shovel home-cooked food into their mouths while they stand next to their beloved boys’ chairs during dinnertime. 

You get the gist of my food-pushing experiences. Not only have I dealt with the most expert food pushers, but I have done it in a way that was gracious and culturally sensitive. 

And as a Minnesota resident, I also have learned the cultural importance of being “NICE” when it comes to rejecting folks.

Not everyone who is a food pusher has good intentions about it, though. Some people can throw it in your face, make you feel guilty about it, or are just covering up insecurities about their own diet or weight. 

Here are my top 10 ways to politely say no to a food pusher.

1. The Stall

When someone tells you they made a special dish ‘just for you,’ it’s alright to pull a little white lie out of your pocket. When this happens, let the person know that you want to finish a bite of your salad – or just excuse yourself and say you have to go to the bathroom!

2. The Compliment

The next time your co-worker says that one bite won’t kill you, swing in with a compliment – tell them their food is just like Lays potato chips – you can’t stop at one bite, and you’re already so full!

The compliment is a great technique because it shows that you are not rejecting the person- only being very selective about which of their dishes you will enjoy. Plus, you are stroking their ego just a little bit, which everyone loves.

3. The Turnover

When someone says they haven’t seen you in so long and would love to catch up over a meal, pull the turnover. Turning the conversation back to the food pusher works well because you feed their need to connect. 

While it takes only a second to accept food that you don’t want, it can take several minutes (or hours) to catch up when you haven’t seen each other in a while. Once the person gets into the conversation, they will forget about the food. Just make sure they can’t reach your plate and spoon anything onto it while talking.

4. The Share

When someone says you’re too thin and need to eat, use this technique.

Depending on the relative, you might want to use this technique sparingly. First of all, make sure you acknowledge that they see the positive changes you are making in your life (even if they don’t see it as positive quite yet).

Second of all, try to share your love for healthy eating in a helpful way without becoming a food pusher yourself. If the relative is a bit more defensive, you could also try asking for the recipe of the dish they are throwing at you. Whether or not you intend to make the recipe, they can see your appreciation of their work in making it.

5. The Keep Away

When you finish eating, remove yourself from the food table and/or throw out your plate as soon as you finish.

Excusing yourself or getting rid of your plate will keep people from asking you if you want seconds, thirds, or even the dreaded fourths.

6. The Push

When someone offers you food and puts it on your plate, say thanks and ask them to share it with you and before they can answer, heap food back onto their plate.

We don’t suggest pushing the food back onto their plate, but sometimes you’ve got to do what you’ve got to do – right?

7. The Health Problem

If someone just keeps pushing you to eat something, say, “No thanks, I’m trying to quit. It gives me (insert bad digestion issue here).” 

Being clear that you no longer eat certain ingredients and inserting a somewhat gross why will discourage discussion on the topic. For example, if you stop eating gluten because it bloats you, that is a simple reason to avoid the dish.

8. The Kindness Maneuver

When someone offers you heaps of leftovers to take home, suggest that someone else might want to take them home because they have kids who might enjoy them more. 

You can find any excuse depending on who the person is. Be creative!

9. The Cup

Most parties serve alcohol and other sugary drinks – which are all often just empty calories. Prevent food fishers from encouraging you to drink by constantly holding a cup. You can fill it with anything your heart desires, especially water!

10. The Direct Approach

Sometimes the easiest and most effective way to say “no” is being direct. You don’t need to explain that you are eating healthier, you don’t need to justify your decision, and you certainly don’t need to make decisions based on what others think you need.

The direct approach is the best route when dealing with notorious food pushers who have gotten past your guard in the past and are confident that they can do it again.

Let Me Help You

It’s your turn to share! Have you used any of these ten techniques above? Which one worked best for you? I would love to hear from you! Contact me today to find out how I can help you in your journey.

Liked this article? Here are three more about healthy living!

• How to Love Yourself Inside and Out
• How the Worst Year Ever Changed my Business
• The Sweet Reasons you Should Eat More Chocolate

This article was originally published in July 2016 and updated for 2021.