NOBODY likes talking about their weight. Then, why do most of our conversations revolve around losing it, gaining it, or somehow finding ways to ignore it? And how can weight weave into a more positive body image?
Before we dive into this tough conversation, I want to share with you why this is so important to me.
Last November, I was livid! Gritting my teeth and barely avoiding a loud confrontation with a colleague, I nearly walked out of the room at the Fusion 2.0 conference!
I was at Fusion 2.0 for several reasons, one of which being I was able to meet my she-ro, Dr. Michelle May, who is the founder of the Am I Hungry movement. The other was a desire to connect with HR professionals and keep my finger on the pulse of workplace wellness, a topic I am extremely passionate about.
I expected a lovely 3 days of connecting with like-minded professionals.
What I didn’t expect was getting so angry that I almost left a session for fear that I would say something I would regret.
It takes alot to get me fired up like that.
Here is why I was mad. The main point of this session I attended was that focusing on weight as a component of wellness is not only misleading, but actually harmful to health.
Unfortunately, most people see case studies of weight loss success stories who then regained some (if not all) of the weight as a caution to not fall into the same trap.
This is a very difficult concept for me to wrap my arms around. Not because I want people to focus only on weight, or because body positive approaches are bad. Or, even because I am a health coach who loves working with clients who have weight loss goals.
It is difficult for me, because the underlying message of this is “why bother”?
- Why bother making positive changes to your lifestyle, if you will join one the overwhelming majority of 95-98% of people who regain weight after a loss?
- Why bother losing weight at all when studies show that obese people may outlive their skinnier counterparts, and many show no signs of high cholesterol, elevated blood pressure, or insulin resistance?
- Why start a dietary change when diets start an endless cycle of deprivation, depression, and destruction of your happiness (especially if you are continually trolled by the likes of Piers Morgan)?
Is it any wonder we feel as a society that we are destined to be FAT? And that we then turn to embracing non-weight based approaches to healthy lifestyles? Because while we might strive for the being the 1% of unicorns who actually maintain their weight loss long-term, it’s not bloody likely.
Here is what I am noticing. A number of the people at the forefront of a non-weight based approach to health have not had personal experiences with being obese.
Or, their personal experiences are more likely to revolve around eating disorders (as in the case of the presenter at this session I almost walked out of).
Or, they have been burned by decades of diet failures that lead them to conclude that it’s better to not engage.
In full disclosure here, I’m a health coach and some of my clients come to me with weight loss goals, or at least the hope that changing their lifestyle will have a “side effect” of weight loss.
Let me be clear- it is NO ONE’s business how much you weigh. I don’t freely share my weight, and don’t ask my clients to share their weight unless it is part of their goal setting.
Yet, I do NOT agree that avoiding weight as part of an overall conversation about healthy lifestyle is necessary. Or even helpful for anyone’s success in maintaining a healthy body image.
Here are 3 reasons why I feel that weight should remain in a conversation about healthy lifestyle.
Weight is just a number
Is weight really a bad thing as a measurement tool for health? If someone suddenly loses weight for no reason, then that could be a warning sign of an illness. If someone gains weight, it could also be a sign of inflammation, bloating, or emotional overeating.
Think of how we view weight for babies. When babies are born, everything is carefully measured- their weight, their length, their head circumference. Not to reach a certain “desired” number, but to determine the level of their ability to thrive.
Up until children hit puberty, weight is a helpful tool to measure growth spurts, recommended dosages for medication, food allergies, and even participation for certain sports.
I get that most adults won’t go through growth spurts, and medicinal doses for adults are not usually weight-based. Yet, why does weight suddenly become a critique after a certain age?
Note: the only “pass” that adult women get is when they are pregnant or postpartum- then the conversation around weight can be quite confusing.
Maybe because the average adult has a hard time maintaining a steady weight. While there are hundreds of thousands of resources and programs on how to lose weight or maintain weight loss, there are much fewer resources on how to just maintain your weight through life.
And the numbers are trending upwards despite all of these diet and body positive programs- up to 80% of American adults are obese or overweight.
At the very least, being aware of your weight can be a helpful tool for not gaining weight. I know it has been helpful in my 18 year maintenance.
You have probably seen the saying that weight loss of 10 pounds is not even visibly noticeable for most people. Which can be very discouraging if you have more than 10 pounds to reach your goal weight.
A fascinating article on Today actually shares that women need to lose about 8 pounds to start getting attention for the loss, and up to 14 pounds for that loss to appear “attractive”, or at least in the face.
Regardless of how “attractive” you wish to be, even a 5% weight loss can improve heart health, sleep quality, sex drive, and decrease insulin resistance and risk of cancer.
Weight is always relative
Is a person who loses 100 pounds more “successful” than a person who loses 10 pounds? That depends on what weight they start at.
Someone who is 350 pounds might actually have an easier time losing 35 pounds than someone who is 250 pounds.
Here is how that looks by the numbers. All of us have a BMR (basal metabolic rate) which shows how many calories we burn at rest. Once you take that BMR and factor in your activity level, you can find out your TDEE (total daily energy expenditure).
Common resources cite a loss of 500 calories per day to lose one pound a week, or 3500 calories a week.
Using these guidelines, a 30 year old man who is 5’8″ and weighs 350 pounds has a BMR of 2906 calories. If he is sedentary, and you take his TDEE factor of 1.2 X 2906, you get 2487 calories to maintain current weight.
What about a 30 year old woman who is 5’4″ who weighs 250 pounds and is sedentary? She has a BMR of 1902, and her TDEE is 2282 calories.
By calorie calculations alone, he can lose weight simply by consuming about 2000 calories a day (the USDA daily recommended on most nutrition labels) while she needs to get down to 1782 calories. That is without any changes in activity level.
That is why joining a weight loss group can be demotivating for some people. There are a number of factors that determine how much and how fast you will lose weight. The example above was just crunching calories, and that is only one of many ways to look at weight.
Just because you don’t lose the same amount of weight as someone else does not make you less of a loser, or a failure. Weight is always relative- not relative to someone else, but relative to your unique starting point.
Weight is NOT synonymous with beauty
Have you ever complained about being fat, and a friend or family member responded with “No, you’re really pretty”?
No, just me?
If you have ever struggled with your weight and are female, I would put money on this conversation happening at least ONCE in your life.
Our weight has never had anything to do with our beauty. Our weight is our outer representation of our physical being. It has nothing to do with anything that’s inside of us. And beauty is inside of us. Character is inside of us. Personality is inside of us.
What does this have to do with weight?
Let’s first talk about a show that has gotten much public attention to highlight this. Reality TV shows like The Biggest Loser have done follow-up studies to see the long-term effects of the changes the participants made.
And, 13 of the 14 who were studied up to 6 years after they were on the show had regained most (if not more) weight than they lost on the show.
If you have ever regained lost weight, you might be feeling their pain. It is HARD to think of yourself as a “success story” if you regain weight after a significant loss. Not to mention how attractive you might feel.
There are people who regained weight after losing a significant amount of weight because they don’t know how to own their new outer beauty.
The problem is not that we are unable to maintain our weight. I think the problem is that we are not able to maintain our identity at that lower weight.
I’m going to repeat that. Our problem is that we have a hard time maintaining our new body image at a lower weight.
While weight has nothing to do with our beauty- it has a lot to do with our body image. It is critical to our self-image and that is a conversation we can change.
What I’m saying is that our self-image is informed and impacted by not just our physical selves, but how carry ourselves when that physical self goes through changes. You have to learn a new way and a new identity for yourself. After the weight shifts, who we imagine ourselves to be also shifts.
I know this because I did not share my weight loss story of 100 pounds publicly until 3 years after maintaining it. Before that, I was still wearing my old plus-size baggy clothing and trying to figure out how to move in this world as a non-plus size woman.
Being plus size was a part of my identity, and I didn’t know how to inhabit a different identify once that changed. I never had an identity as a thin person, and the harder work was losing the mentality of being a “fat” person.
The Biggest Losers had learned how to fight and manipulate their bodies into some image of “health”, and never learned that identity goes way beyond the skin. They didn’t know themselves as “skinny” and were left alone to figure it out on their own.
It’s not easy to think of yourself as a person who loves your body, inside and out. But, it IS possible.
Here is what I know. Every single person I’ve spoken to, either in an audience, a group call or a Weight Loss Breakthrough session, has unlimited ability to transform themselves physically, mentally, and emotionally. And, I can support that transformation. Not as just an expert, but as someone who has had that conversation many years over with myself.
Trying to remove weight from a body image conversation is like trying to remove water from oxygen. Avoiding a scale or numbers will not change how you personally feel about your body or how to break your personal connection to your weight.
Want my direct support with changing your body image? It starts with stopping the usual cycle you find yourself in. A good way to stop the diet cycle is to focus on your current body image and boost it with small, consistent practices.
That is the support you get with 30 Days monthly membership. Not only do you get private weekly accountability with me, but I also help you with revisiting how you view your body and a group call all about loving your body today.
By the way, this is not a get a bikini body type of support. While I am happy to introduce ways to meal plan without counting anything or get fit without a gym, we will focus more on consistent daily habits that make you love and appreciate yourself. With an overarching goal of consistently maintaining a positive body image.
After all, you already know how to lose weight, don’t you? Isn’t it time you GAINED bliss? Enroll before June 3. You can even choose to get a whole summer of support at a discounted rate.
